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Top 5 Mismatched Film Fights

October 12, 2010 By 1 Comment

1. Gabe Walker Vs Eric Qualen – Cliffhanger (1993)

This was hardly going to be a fair fight, but Qualen (John Lithgow) certainly got his quota of body shots in to rattle the big man. Cliffhanger was one of the best action films of the early 90s, and a thrill ride of a film was completed with a climactic fight on top of a dangling helicopter.

Sylvester Stallone’s Gabe Walker always had the edge but Lithgow was going to fight dirty, however it didn’t do him any good in the end as he plummeted to his death.

Best Bit: Lithgow’s dumbfounded expression as he watches the rocky floor rise to meet him from within the falling chopper

2. Luke Skywalker Vs The Emperor – Return of the Jedi (1983)

As if fighting your greatest nemesis was bad enough, finding out that he was your father could have real traumatic repercussions. Young Skywalker (Mark Hamill) fresh from escaping the clutches of evil went back into the lions den to confront a 70 year old Man in a robe.

Not even a his quick glancing light saber could help Luke here as he was pummeled to the floor by vicious bolts of lighting from the aging finger tips of the Sith Lord (Ian McDiarmid).

It was at this point that Daddy had to step in and chuck the old man to his death.

Best Bit: Vader disposing of the Sith Lord with ease

3. Apollo Creed Vs Ivan Drago – Rocky IV (1985)

Fresh from a narrow defeat by young Rocky Balboa Creed (Carl Weathers) tucked his tail between his legs and stuck out the olive branch to his arch rival.

Now the best of friends Creed set about trash talking his way into a battering at the hands of 7ft Russian Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren).

The fight would have lived up to any pre match hype, James Brown singing, a dancing chours line and a pair of stars and stripes shorts. However this was only going to end one way, with Creed flat out on the canvas…dead.

Best Bit: “I’ll be back in a minute, alright”

4. Paul Sheldon Vs Annie Wilkes - Misery (1990)

When a sweet, innocent woman rescues you from a car crash in the middle of winter all you can expect is a nice warm bed and lots of TLC on the way to recovery.

For Paul Sheldon (James Caan) this is how it started but ended up having his ankles savagely broken…again, with a sledge hammer “it’s for the best!”

Sheldon now even worse off than he was before, engages in a wheelchair bound training regime that includes lifting an old school typewriter over his head, ready for the showdown with the all smiling psycho Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates)

Wilkes put up a brilliant fight but was no match for a cripple, and even after she comes back  from the dead she wasn’t coming back from a solid statue to the face.

Best Bit: Sheldon ramming part of the charred manuscript into her mouth “eat it you sick, twisted fuck!”

5. Butch and Sundance Vs The Entire Bolivian Army – Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid (1969)

One of the greatest Westerns ever made climaxed with one of the most memorable endings in film history.

Having spent a large amount of time on the run and living the life robbing banks in Bolivia, the pair’s time from jumping off cliffs and avoiding capture seemed about up.

Wounded and cornered Butch (Paul Newman) and Sundance (Robert Redford) have time to discuss one more plan “Australia, I figured secretly you’d want to know”

The pairs on screen chemistry was brilliant, helping place guns in each of their bloodied hands they race out into the towns’ courtyard.

We don’t see the final fight but as the end credits role we hear the sound of the Bolivian army unleashing on them.

Best Bit: “You didn’t see La Fores out there did you?, good, for a minute I thought we were in trouble!”

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The Greatest Action Hero: The Final

October 5, 2010 By Leave a Comment

So here we are, it’s come down to the final. Sixteen of the world’s toughest action heroes started out and only two remain. Jean Claude Van Damme, the muscles from Brussells up against arguabley the greatest action hero of them all, Sylvester Stallone.

They’ve been judged on their greatest films, their disasters, acting ability and popularity. There is nothing more to do here other than sum them both up and unveil who has claimed the title of DVD Blu-ray Reviews Greatest Action Hero.

The Final

Jean Claude Van Damme Vs Sylvester Stallone

It has to be said that these are simply two of the greats, and it’s a real shame that they never got to be on the same screen together. If Van Damme hadn’t been so concerend with not getting his ass kicked by Jet Li then he might have been an Expendable, as it was that part went to former co-star Dulph Lundgren.

Their acting ability at times has been suspect and has raised eyebrows from critics, but that has never stopped them churning out blockbuster after blockbuster.

One of Stallone’s best performances was in the original Rocky in which his rise to stardom really began. The film which he wrote was a real rags to riches story and earned an Oscar. Top that Van Damme?

The franchise developed at a frenetic pace with Stallone growing the character right through to the point where we thought “come on, surely at his age this guy is spent”! But no, he continued and rallied to keep himself in amazing shape for Rocky Balboa which was the end of the popular boxer’s career.

Stallone had another major franchise success as Vietnam veteran John Rambo, a former Green Beret, in the action-war film First Blood.

The first installment of Rambo was both a critical and box office success. The critics praised Stallone’s performance, saying he made Rambo seem human, as opposed to the way he is portrayed in the book of the same name.

Three Rambo sequels followed, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III and Rambo. Although box office hits, they met with much less critical praise than the original, the last one was nothing more than a blood bath!

One other franchise that Stallone almost got his hands on was Beverly Hills Cop. Stallone was approached to play Axel Foley (although the name might have changed to suit Sly) but there were script and budget issues and the rest as they say is history.

As it turned out Stallone headed off and made Cobra which was actually given a homage in Beverley Hills Cop. When we step inside Billy Rosewood’s apartment any eagle eyed film buff might have seen the Cobra poster on the back of his door, that poster in itself told the story of what might have been.

So what of Van Damme, the muscles from Brussells. JCVD is what you’d call an iconic character, his charming accent and slender well toned physique was drooled by women and envied by all men. Van Damme stuidied martial arts hard from the age of ten and competed in many competitions proving himself to be the toughest of opponents.

Van Damme moved from his native Belgium and headed to the bright lights of Hollywood in an attempt to carve out an acting career, and to be fair that is exactly what he did landing his first role (after an extras bit part) in No Retreat, No Surrender, as the villain, Ivan the Russian.

He worked with director John McTiernan in Predator as the Predator but left and was replaced by Kevin Peter Hall. His best form however came during the 1990s with films such as Universal Solider, Nowhere To Run and Hard Target. Timecop in 1994 became JVCD’s highest grossing film ever topping over $100 worldwide.

But he was plagued with drug issues and spent time in rehab for cocaine addiction. His later films were in fairness awful and he struggled to ever regain his younger form. His last theatrical release was the very forgettable Universal Soldier: The Return.

Despite his age Van Damme shows no real signs of slowing down and has many projects on the go. He has a voice part in Kung Fu Panda 2: The Kaboom of Doom which will be his first for a theatrical release. Along with that he’ll again reprise his role as Luc Deveraux in another Universal Soldier!

However there can only be one winner….

Result: Sylvestor Stallone, hands down the greatest ever. He has written, directed and starred in some of the most explosive, biggest action blockbusters of the last three decades.

With the occasional glitch (will I ever forget Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot) here and there he continues to please film fans everywhere!

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The Greatest Action Hero: Semi-Finals

September 11, 2010 By Leave a Comment

So here we go, one face off away from the final and the chance to see which two action heroes are going to go head to head in search of the title of ‘Greatest Action Hero’

The last round again threw up a few surprises with Mel Gibson still the dark horse amoung sure fire favourites Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Van Damme.

Semi-Final

Jean Claude Van Damme Vs Mel Gibson

Take your pick guys, these two have been involved in more explosions, more gun fights and more carnage than most other actors. Each time they pick themselves back up and do it all again.

JCVD, as we have already covered, set the early 90s alight with an array of brilliant action films including Timecop, Hard Target and Sudden Death. But did stumble a little starring in some horrific films, and by horrific I don’t mean the genre.

He is though a very solid action film icon, he had the looks and the physique and as for his martial arts skills they were very much authentic. For me though his best film was Bloodsport, which was based on a true story of a martial arts fighter called Frank Dux. Dux trained harder than most in order to take part in the Kumite, one of the most vicious martial arts tournaments in the world.

The film depicts his life growing up, and a young Van Damme does a pretty good job of that. The fight scenes are for there time a little dated but you get the idea.

Gibson to be perfectly honest has thrown it all away in the last few years. Booze, arrests and worst of all, as if he couldn’t sink much lower…racist slurs. There was a time when he was Hollywood’s golden boy, one of the go to guys for big action or epic blockbusters, and its that Mel we shall focus on.

He’s a director now of sorts but he has starred in some pretty big grossing action films. I always go on about the Lethal Weapon franchise but for me that is still his best work. But it was Mad Max that really launched his career, and it spawned another two films as well.

Other notably and credible action films were Bird on a Wire, Payback and to some extent The Patriot. All this cannot mask the fact that he has somewhat shafted himself, and while he might have clawed some credibility back opposite Ray Winstone in Edge of Darkenss it’s not enough here.

Result: Van Damme, still churned out some of the best action films of the last two decades. And at least kept some of his dignity while doing it.

Sylvester Stallone Vs Arnold Schwarzenegger

Many people were probably expecting this to be the final show piece, but sadly one of the favourites is going to have to make way for the others walk to the final.

How do you even start to compare these two titans of the big screen. Both have made billions for the box office, and starred in some of the most defining films of recent years.

As we have already seen they have also been a part of some absolute shockers, but we’re not going to bring those up again, Estell Getty? Really Sly!?

Friends for many years but also fiercest rivals with one attempting to outdo the other. Rocky Vs The Terminator, Rambo Vs Conan the Barbarian, Stop Or My Mon Will Shoot Vs Junior, OK I said we weren’t going to rake up old graves. Either way they are pound for pound two of the greatest action heros ever to set foot onto a film set.

Stallone is a himself a writer and director having been nominated for best writing/screenplay for Rocky he also got behind the camera for Rambo. But he wrote screenplays for some real action classics such as Cobra, Cliffhanger and more recently in The Expendables. Despite what people say about his acting talents he’s been a work horse all the way through his career and that must be commended.

Schwarzenegger was Mr Universe, a man mountain of muscle and landed his first role in Hercules in New York as Hercules himself. It was for The Terminator though that his career really took off as he slowly developed into an action icon.

Schwarzenegger never wrote anything and the only most note worthy thing he directed was a piece for TV called Christmas in Connecticut, along with an episode for Tales from the Crypt. He won’t be best rememered I doubt for either of those. Acting wise he wasn’t the best, his slow Austrian drawl was at times laughable in some of the films he starred in.

But he was a character, a giant amongst men. His films have received cult status, and most fans can sometime or another quote from a long list, “I’ll be back!” and “Kill me I’m here!” to name a couple. A tough choice being two of the more popular action stars, but there always has to be one winner and one loser.

Result: Stallone, they both had a number of successful classics but Stallone’s writing talent (or lack of it if you’re a more hardened critic) have edged this one for him.

Check back here soon where we’ll reveal who claims the title of Greatest Action Hero!

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Stallone Talks Expendables 2…Already?!

September 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

For those of you that were blown away by the recent Stallone action epic, The Expendables, will not be surprised to hear he’s already talking a sequel.

A film that has shot to number on at the box office wouldn’t I’m sure be content with just the one outing. We’d all love to see the band of merry back once again, and of course knowing Stallone I’m sure he’d pull a few more strings to fill it with more big names.

One star he’s already touted is Bruce Willis, seen for only a few minutes along side Arnie as Mr. Church Stallone wants to get him back for possibly more screen time.

Stallone tweeted “Had dinner with Bruce Willis last night. I want him in EXPENDABLES II as a super villain. What do you think?”

I think it would be a bloody good idea and if he could convince the Governor to come back for longer as well you’d have one hell of a film.

Do you think Expendables 2 would be good, let me know!

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The Greatest Action Hero: Round 2

August 30, 2010 By Leave a Comment

So we continue with our look to find the greatest action hero, round one threw up a few surprises and round two looks to be even tougher. So for this outing let’s take a look at the films these stars would probably wish to forget.

Is Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot going to be Sly’s banana skin, will Junior be the end of the line for Schwarzenegger or will Knock Off see Van Damme out early.

Let’s take a look then as see which ones make the semi-final and who will hang their action head in shame!

Round 2

Jean Claude Van Damme Vs Keanu Reeves

JCVD had a pretty solid early part of the 90s with some explosive and high grossing (for its time) action films. Then it all seemed to go horribly wrong, with bleached blonde hair Van Damme stepped into the roll of Colonel William F. Guile in Street Fighter, in what was supposed to be a successful video game to film transisiton.

However it didn’t turn out that way, and it turned into a farce. The acting was so wooden it could have blown down in the wind and I’m sorry but no action film should contain Kylie Minogue. To prove this wasn’t a one off disaster, director Steven E. de Souza penned the script for Knock Off a film so bad I’m surprised it made it to the big screen and one I almost walked out of!

With the exception of a few films most of what Keanu Reeves has churned out has been pretty awful, and his acting abilities leave a lot to be desired. It amazes me how he has gone unoticed for so long and how many film critics still rate him as a talented actor. Sorry but you can’t fool me, I still firmly believe that he’s been carried by his performances as Neo in The Matrix.

It also can’t hide the fact that The Day the Earth Stood Still was the biggest pile of crap for 2008, and his performance as a serial killer in The Watcher was about as terrifying as his voice in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. JVCD might not have acting talents a plenty but he can damn well put on an entertaining show.

Result: JVCD round house kicks his way to the semis.

Mel Gibson Vs Steven Seagal

This match up might surprise a few people, looking down the list of Mel’s past films there are not many howlers, certainly not in the calibure of the above contenders.

You might suggest that Conspiracy Theory was completely disjointed with very little suspense at all, or that his character in Payback was a dumbed down version of Martin Riggs. Saying all that, and annoyingly, he seems to have escaped. Although his poor Scottish accent in Braveheart might come back to haunt him.

Steven Seagal has dropped himself in it here, not even the success of films like Marked for Death or Under Siege could mask the fact that he has made some bad choices. The Glimmer Man and Exit Wounds are two that spring to mind, and in the latter making a film with a below par rapper (let’s hope he doesn’t read this) will not boost box office sales.

His recent films have mostly been straight to DVD and I’m sorry but gaining weight is not the Seagal I know and love. Gibson’s record is fairly blooper free and its enough to send him to the semis.

Result: Gibson, keeping his hopes of a final berth alive

Arnold Schwarzenegger Vs Jason Statham

Oh Arnie, how you might live to regret Junior. Schwarzenegger is no stranger to accepting the wrong role, and he’s certainly guilty of a few shockers during his career.

Casting yourself as a pregnant man after you gave us a sublime perforamce in Terminator 2: Judgment Day was a real mistake. We can proabably forgive you for Kindergarten Cop as that played on the cuteness heart strings, but I cannot forgive for Batman & Robin. Arnie in a dressing gown and slippers smoking a cigar, Joel Schumacher should be strung up for crimes against film making.

Saying that Arnie is too much of an icon in this genre and I am really trying hard not to be biased. Jason Statham for all his worth is not untouchable, the quick footed action rookie has put his foot in it on more than one occasion. Revolver was one of the most confusing and disappointing films of 2005 especially when it was directed by Guy Ritchie.

Ghosts of Mars and Cellular weren’t favourable either and proved that dipping into other genres in particular playing a villian were not suited to the niceties that Statham offers. Looking at the pair Arnie has certainly made the poorer choices once too often, but it is Arnie at the end of the day and I cannot overlook that he’s made some action classics.

Result: Schwarzenegger, JUST!

Jackie Chan Vs Sylvester Stallone

I can only base Jackie Chan’s more ridiculous performances on those films coming out of Hollywood, purely for the reason that I have not seen his more forgoien exploits.

First off, Chan is a likeable chap, always with a smile on his face he is extremely humble. Point to note, don’t star in a film with Chris Tucker that isn’t going to do you any favours. The Rush Hour franchise managed to draw itself out over three films, and while they might have been entertaining it was only due to Chan’s martial arts skills.

Stallone, like Arnie might squeeze through purely on past glory’s. It certainly won’t be for starring alongside former Golden Girl Estelle Getty. Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot was one of the worst of his long career, along with Oscar, Judge Dredd, D-Tox and Get Carter.

But he’s made some classics, full action carnage and ones that netted the box offices and studios millions. I think for that reason we could overlook one or two little mistakes.

Result: Stallone, but Chan ran him close!


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